Dear CTF,
I'm a successful, extremely cool and sort of attractive girl with a killer (awesome) job. I am 26 and living in a city that is VERY hard to date in. That being said, I've been talking to 2 different guys. I wonder which one will turn out to be my fabulous boyfriend.
Here are the 2 guys:
#1 - Cons: A 28 yr old bartender who works just about every night until midnight (I work at 5 am). Extremely soft spoken, into comics (is a great artist - not using his talent, btw - big pet peeve of mine). Lives at home (for now). Seems like he needs to make a leap somewhere in his life to bigger and better things. Seems sad a lot (due to the shy/quiet). Is nervous around me - can't relax. Hard to get together with.
Pros: I get along with him and don't mind the awkwardness. I like his dark nature and passion for comics. WICKED hot. Very kind and can be very funny when he wants to. Frequent texter. Good in the bed. Seems like a gentleman (pays for meals and drinks). Aware of his flaws. Great Hair. Did I mention he is very hot? He likes me back. Is not a musician. Has a lot of friends. Enjoys his job.
#2 (I don't know him very well - haven't gone out yet). Cons: Lives 45 minutes away. Is one of my good friend's brother. Is a musician. Day job has his working at 8 am -- have asked him out 2 times and hasn't been able to come out. (last minute plans). Doesn't text. Doesn't have myspace or facebook. Doesn't know what a Caboodle is.
Pros: Very very very funny (maybe funnier than me?), Drives tractors, Is very good on the phone (we talked one day for over 40 minutes), Very good looking, Seems like he will come out if he can (he did try to get out of a party to come out with me, but couldn't do it). Is similar to his brother (who i know and love pretty good), but different in all the ways that make him more attractive to me. Can keep up and surpass my humor. Seems happy/comfortable with who he is
So, I don't know #2 as well as #1, but... what do you think?
Thanks,
Getting It in Pgh
___
This is a complicated letter. I'll try to address everything.
Guy one: Underachiever with a bad schedule. Attractive, but depressive and nervous. Great hair.
Guy two: Confident and funny. But unavailable and a musician. Also attractive. Drives tractors. Why? Because it's ironic? Or because he's real. Probably because it's ironic.
Advice 1
Find someone besides these two guys. Who says you need to pick one of them? It's all about finding someone who's available, turns you on, and is smart. Neither of these guys is all three.
Advice 2
Transplant guy two's brain and hair onto guy one. But leave the musical part of guy two's brain back in guy two's body.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My life is great...
Dear CutTheFuck,
I'm a gay guy in his mid-twenties who lives and works in New York City. I'm good looking, out-going and happy. I like my job, am close to my family and have an extensive network of great friends across the country. Since beginning college, I have been on more dates than I can remember and have had plenty of boyfriends, but no long term relationships.
The last guy I dated was extremely successful, very good looking, interesting -- in short, the sort person I always pictured myself with. We dated for 8 months but parted company when it was clear that despite a strong friendship and sexual attraction, we weren't going to fall in love. While dating him, I, by chance, met his polar opposite, a charming guy with a great smile but no schooling, an unconventional job, and very bohemian lifestyle. I felt a connection with him right away, but couldn't get comfortable with the circumstances of his life.
My dilemma is that I can never find everything I want in one guy. He's either a walking-talking Upper Eastside stereotype (which, as embarrassing as that is, I feel most comfortable with) or a downtown party boy who doesn't own a shirt with sleeves and wouldn't fit in with many of my friends and family.
Do you think I will find a guy who has enough passion to engage me plus a good job, nice family and all that? Is choosing one over the other smart or is it settling?
___
Advice 1
So your life is perfect except for the fact that you haven't met a guy that you're both comfortable with and passionate about.
It sounds to me like you're into extremes.
You find a successful, conservativish guy: the perfect supportive, stable sort of boyfriend. You're into the way you don't have to worry about him fooling around, or be concerned about him not having enough money. He's taking care of himself and he makes you feel calm when you're together. But he's not making you feel alive.
You also meet someone else - someone charismatic and youthful. He reminds you that you're young too, and you appreciate him for this. But you're not into his superficial lifestyle. You're in your twenties and you've got substance and you want someone who is as dynamic as you.
Knowing that you live in New York reinforces my supposition that you're into extremes. People who live in NYC are used to getting "the best" of everything for themselves. When you're in a mood where you're drawn toward stable guys, you look for THE most solid guy out there. When you're feeling frisky, you go for an all-out party boy. Maybe what you need to do is find someone who has elements of stability and passion, but who is somewhere in between these men you've mentioned on the spectrum of guy-types. This middle-ground guy may not satisfy your desire to have the best of a certain world, but he will be a nice match for you. No need to choose one guy-type over the other.
You just need to be patient. If this good-for-you guy doesn't come along for a while, you should sit back and reread the first part of what you wrote to me - the rest of your life is going great - try and appreciate it.
Advice 2
So you're good-looking, happy, have great family and friends, but you haven't met your ideal match yet. And you're probably ignoring all these great aspects of your life and focusing on the one thing you don't have. Totally understand.
I have a theory as to why you haven't met your perfect guy:
You, yourself, are too perfect. You're intimidating people with your glowing perfection. Try and tone it down.
Here's what you have to do: you need to lessen the success of these mentioned parts of your life that are going so well.
Your appearance: Get a bad tattoo... on your face.
Your happiness: Try and minimize the amount of sunlight you get and don't eat anything with vitamins or nutrients in it. I think this will make you pretty depressed
Your family: Cut off ALL contact.
Your friends: Take your best friend out to dinner and punch him/her in the face. Really hard. Then leave, without paying the bill. Make sure you do this to a friend that is friends with your other friends. A chain of hate will begin. This is what you want.
Once you've sufficiently screwed up the main parts of your life, and the luminescence of your perfection has dimmed a bit, people will feel more comfortable approaching you, and this perfect guy of yours will come right along.
I'm a gay guy in his mid-twenties who lives and works in New York City. I'm good looking, out-going and happy. I like my job, am close to my family and have an extensive network of great friends across the country. Since beginning college, I have been on more dates than I can remember and have had plenty of boyfriends, but no long term relationships.
The last guy I dated was extremely successful, very good looking, interesting -- in short, the sort person I always pictured myself with. We dated for 8 months but parted company when it was clear that despite a strong friendship and sexual attraction, we weren't going to fall in love. While dating him, I, by chance, met his polar opposite, a charming guy with a great smile but no schooling, an unconventional job, and very bohemian lifestyle. I felt a connection with him right away, but couldn't get comfortable with the circumstances of his life.
My dilemma is that I can never find everything I want in one guy. He's either a walking-talking Upper Eastside stereotype (which, as embarrassing as that is, I feel most comfortable with) or a downtown party boy who doesn't own a shirt with sleeves and wouldn't fit in with many of my friends and family.
Do you think I will find a guy who has enough passion to engage me plus a good job, nice family and all that? Is choosing one over the other smart or is it settling?
___
Advice 1
So your life is perfect except for the fact that you haven't met a guy that you're both comfortable with and passionate about.
It sounds to me like you're into extremes.
You find a successful, conservativish guy: the perfect supportive, stable sort of boyfriend. You're into the way you don't have to worry about him fooling around, or be concerned about him not having enough money. He's taking care of himself and he makes you feel calm when you're together. But he's not making you feel alive.
You also meet someone else - someone charismatic and youthful. He reminds you that you're young too, and you appreciate him for this. But you're not into his superficial lifestyle. You're in your twenties and you've got substance and you want someone who is as dynamic as you.
Knowing that you live in New York reinforces my supposition that you're into extremes. People who live in NYC are used to getting "the best" of everything for themselves. When you're in a mood where you're drawn toward stable guys, you look for THE most solid guy out there. When you're feeling frisky, you go for an all-out party boy. Maybe what you need to do is find someone who has elements of stability and passion, but who is somewhere in between these men you've mentioned on the spectrum of guy-types. This middle-ground guy may not satisfy your desire to have the best of a certain world, but he will be a nice match for you. No need to choose one guy-type over the other.
You just need to be patient. If this good-for-you guy doesn't come along for a while, you should sit back and reread the first part of what you wrote to me - the rest of your life is going great - try and appreciate it.
Advice 2
So you're good-looking, happy, have great family and friends, but you haven't met your ideal match yet. And you're probably ignoring all these great aspects of your life and focusing on the one thing you don't have. Totally understand.
I have a theory as to why you haven't met your perfect guy:
You, yourself, are too perfect. You're intimidating people with your glowing perfection. Try and tone it down.
Here's what you have to do: you need to lessen the success of these mentioned parts of your life that are going so well.
Your appearance: Get a bad tattoo... on your face.
Your happiness: Try and minimize the amount of sunlight you get and don't eat anything with vitamins or nutrients in it. I think this will make you pretty depressed
Your family: Cut off ALL contact.
Your friends: Take your best friend out to dinner and punch him/her in the face. Really hard. Then leave, without paying the bill. Make sure you do this to a friend that is friends with your other friends. A chain of hate will begin. This is what you want.
Once you've sufficiently screwed up the main parts of your life, and the luminescence of your perfection has dimmed a bit, people will feel more comfortable approaching you, and this perfect guy of yours will come right along.
He likes me a lot... when he's drunk
Dear Cutthefuck,
I have a huge crush on this guy and he keeps giving me mixed signals. Whenever he is drunk he wants to make out with me. But he's not THAT drunk... it seems like he's just shy and he is expressing his true feelings when he drinks. I let him sleep over my house the other night after we had been drinking and now he is ignoring me. I think he is probably just shy and really likes me. What should I do?
-Confused
___
Advice 1
This guy's a douche. It's fine to relax with a drink or two, but to depend on alcohol for facilitating any sort of romantic/sexual/social release is lame. And mixed signals are not mixed signals, they're bad signals. If something is good, you'll know it. If you're not sure, it's probably bad. Forget him.
Advice 2
Some people say that one's true character comes out when drinking. If you're a sad drunk, a happy drunk, or a confrontational drunk, that reflects some part of your true inner being. So this guy, deep down, probably likes you A LOT - may even love you, but he can only begin to show you how he feels when alcohol allows for his inhibitions to disappear.
My advice is for you to begin drinking more. If you're drinking at the same frequency as he is, his dependency on alcohol won't seem like a problem. Sure, it will seem weird once you both sober up and he completely ignores you, but you should NOT feel bad about it - that would be totally unfair of you actually - it would be as bad as being racist. His inability to show emotion is a congenital condition, one which he's learned to medicate with alcohol. And there's nothing wrong with that. You need to respect him the way he is. Just like you'd respect an animal doing its animal thing.
The choices here are: you can have him drunk, or you can not have him at all. Take him the way he is, and pour an extra drink for yourself.
I have a huge crush on this guy and he keeps giving me mixed signals. Whenever he is drunk he wants to make out with me. But he's not THAT drunk... it seems like he's just shy and he is expressing his true feelings when he drinks. I let him sleep over my house the other night after we had been drinking and now he is ignoring me. I think he is probably just shy and really likes me. What should I do?
-Confused
___
Advice 1
This guy's a douche. It's fine to relax with a drink or two, but to depend on alcohol for facilitating any sort of romantic/sexual/social release is lame. And mixed signals are not mixed signals, they're bad signals. If something is good, you'll know it. If you're not sure, it's probably bad. Forget him.
Advice 2
Some people say that one's true character comes out when drinking. If you're a sad drunk, a happy drunk, or a confrontational drunk, that reflects some part of your true inner being. So this guy, deep down, probably likes you A LOT - may even love you, but he can only begin to show you how he feels when alcohol allows for his inhibitions to disappear.
My advice is for you to begin drinking more. If you're drinking at the same frequency as he is, his dependency on alcohol won't seem like a problem. Sure, it will seem weird once you both sober up and he completely ignores you, but you should NOT feel bad about it - that would be totally unfair of you actually - it would be as bad as being racist. His inability to show emotion is a congenital condition, one which he's learned to medicate with alcohol. And there's nothing wrong with that. You need to respect him the way he is. Just like you'd respect an animal doing its animal thing.
The choices here are: you can have him drunk, or you can not have him at all. Take him the way he is, and pour an extra drink for yourself.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
He's a musician. And he has a girlfriend. And I work with him.
Dear Cut The Fuck,
I have a huge crush on my co-worker. He fails many tests: he's a musician and he has a girlfriend. But he's hot and totally awesome. It doesn't seem like the music dictates his life. He is playing a show with some other co-workers this weekend. Do I go to the show? Do I pretend he doesn't exist?
xoxo
Sketchian
___
Dear Sketchian,
Advice 1:
NO, NO, NO. I can't think of a worse combination.
Obvious points: Musicians are self-involved and often immature, he's taken, and you don't want the awkwardness of having fooled with a coworker.
Advice 2:
Go for it. He can teach you guitar. Ignore the fact that he has a girlfriend. Even if he keeps reminding you of it. Everytime he brings it up, just totally gloss over it and move onto another subject. After doing this several times, he'll begin to think he's crazy and actually question whether or not he really is in a relationship, since it doesn't seem to be registering with you. And the coworker thing is perfect, because that means you two will have the same commute to work, and can both squeeze together in the subway turnstile on the way to and from your jobs, saving at least 2 dollars per person per day. And you'll never break up anyway, so you don't have to worry about any awkwardness.
I have a huge crush on my co-worker. He fails many tests: he's a musician and he has a girlfriend. But he's hot and totally awesome. It doesn't seem like the music dictates his life. He is playing a show with some other co-workers this weekend. Do I go to the show? Do I pretend he doesn't exist?
xoxo
Sketchian
___
Dear Sketchian,
Advice 1:
NO, NO, NO. I can't think of a worse combination.
Obvious points: Musicians are self-involved and often immature, he's taken, and you don't want the awkwardness of having fooled with a coworker.
Advice 2:
Go for it. He can teach you guitar. Ignore the fact that he has a girlfriend. Even if he keeps reminding you of it. Everytime he brings it up, just totally gloss over it and move onto another subject. After doing this several times, he'll begin to think he's crazy and actually question whether or not he really is in a relationship, since it doesn't seem to be registering with you. And the coworker thing is perfect, because that means you two will have the same commute to work, and can both squeeze together in the subway turnstile on the way to and from your jobs, saving at least 2 dollars per person per day. And you'll never break up anyway, so you don't have to worry about any awkwardness.
Introduction
I realized that all of my friends enjoy asking me dating/relationship advice. I often have two sorts of advice to give:
1. The practical, this is what you should do sort of advice.
2. The less practical, you need to do something illegal sort of advice.
So ask me a question, and I'll do my best to help out.
1. The practical, this is what you should do sort of advice.
2. The less practical, you need to do something illegal sort of advice.
So ask me a question, and I'll do my best to help out.
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