My life is great...

Dear CutTheFuck,

I'm a gay guy in his mid-twenties who lives and works in New York City. I'm good looking, out-going and happy. I like my job, am close to my family and have an extensive network of great friends across the country. Since beginning college, I have been on more dates than I can remember and have had plenty of boyfriends, but no long term relationships.

The last guy I dated was extremely successful, very good looking, interesting -- in short, the sort person I always pictured myself with. We dated for 8 months but parted company when it was clear that despite a strong friendship and sexual attraction, we weren't going to fall in love. While dating him, I, by chance, met his polar opposite, a charming guy with a great smile but no schooling, an unconventional job, and very bohemian lifestyle. I felt a connection with him right away, but couldn't get comfortable with the circumstances of his life.

My dilemma is that I can never find everything I want in one guy. He's either a walking-talking Upper Eastside stereotype (which, as embarrassing as that is, I feel most comfortable with) or a downtown party boy who doesn't own a shirt with sleeves and wouldn't fit in with many of my friends and family.

Do you think I will find a guy who has enough passion to engage me plus a good job, nice family and all that? Is choosing one over the other smart or is it settling?

___

Advice 1

So your life is perfect except for the fact that you haven't met a guy that you're both comfortable with and passionate about.

It sounds to me like you're into extremes.

You find a successful, conservativish guy: the perfect supportive, stable sort of boyfriend. You're into the way you don't have to worry about him fooling around, or be concerned about him not having enough money. He's taking care of himself and he makes you feel calm when you're together. But he's not making you feel alive.

You also meet someone else - someone charismatic and youthful. He reminds you that you're young too, and you appreciate him for this. But you're not into his superficial lifestyle. You're in your twenties and you've got substance and you want someone who is as dynamic as you.

Knowing that you live in New York reinforces my supposition that you're into extremes. People who live in NYC are used to getting "the best" of everything for themselves. When you're in a mood where you're drawn toward stable guys, you look for THE most solid guy out there. When you're feeling frisky, you go for an all-out party boy. Maybe what you need to do is find someone who has elements of stability and passion, but who is somewhere in between these men you've mentioned on the spectrum of guy-types. This middle-ground guy may not satisfy your desire to have the best of a certain world, but he will be a nice match for you. No need to choose one guy-type over the other.

You just need to be patient. If this good-for-you guy doesn't come along for a while, you should sit back and reread the first part of what you wrote to me - the rest of your life is going great - try and appreciate it.


Advice 2

So you're good-looking, happy, have great family and friends, but you haven't met your ideal match yet. And you're probably ignoring all these great aspects of your life and focusing on the one thing you don't have. Totally understand.

I have a theory as to why you haven't met your perfect guy:

You, yourself, are too perfect. You're intimidating people with your glowing perfection. Try and tone it down.

Here's what you have to do: you need to lessen the success of these mentioned parts of your life that are going so well.

Your appearance: Get a bad tattoo... on your face.

Your happiness: Try and minimize the amount of sunlight you get and don't eat anything with vitamins or nutrients in it. I think this will make you pretty depressed

Your family: Cut off ALL contact.

Your friends: Take your best friend out to dinner and punch him/her in the face. Really hard. Then leave, without paying the bill. Make sure you do this to a friend that is friends with your other friends. A chain of hate will begin. This is what you want.

Once you've sufficiently screwed up the main parts of your life, and the luminescence of your perfection has dimmed a bit, people will feel more comfortable approaching you, and this perfect guy of yours will come right along.